What Is Happiness?

We need to suitably define this thing we call happiness. Too many people are chasing this elusive concept that, in my opinion, they don't understand. They think happiness is a tangible thing you achieve once you clear away a certain roadblock: "If I just had a boyfriend, if I just made more money, if I just had a bigger house...."


So let's clear up this myth. Happiness is not a concrete thing. It's not about what we attain materialistically, what job we have, and or based on genetics. Happiness is a choice we can all make during every moment of every day. Yes, it's true that some people tend to be more positive than others. However, this is a learned behavior, so anyone can work their way towards living a happier life.

What are some words I use to describe happiness? Joy and contentment are the first ones that come to mind. And I do believe the ability to experience these emotions is related to how people feel about themselves. Too many people are walking around with an internal emptiness that was created in childhood. And you can recognize this emptiness from the way they behave: those who constantly (and subconsciously) fill a void with material things, those who compare themselves to others (and what others have) and feel less than because of it, those who live too much through their children's lives without paying attention to their own....

Here are some tips on how to move into that sphere of happiness:

Tip: Live each day with the intention of giving.Every day, do your best to be kind, and to do something in the service of helping others. Paying it forward is a guaranteed experience of your own sense of joy

Action to take today: Fill someone's bucket. Think of all the people you love in your life, and what they would need from you, to brighten their day. It can be as simple as a phone call to tell them you are thinking of them, to cooking them their favorite dish, to babysitting their young children so they can have a few hours to themselves. You will see you will be filling your own bucket as well!

Tip: Let go of the past. Aside from death and taxes, the one thing you can count on is that things will change. Nothing is permanent, so embrace the now instead of living in the past. People get the most stuck when life changes on them: loss of a job, end of a relationship, a death, a move.... The way you'll be able to find joy is by embracing the new normal.

Action: Perform a ritual to help you let go of the past
. It works! There are many different things you can do here, but the one I find most effective is writing a letter to yourself. This allows you to release all of your thoughts and feelings about the past. You can also go a step further and burn the letter as a symbol of letting go.

Tip: Find your inner zing.
Passion and purpose equals a happy life. And if you don't know what this is for you, it's time to start figuring it out. It's not something you can accomplish overnight, but the discovery is waiting to happen. Don't be resigned to the life you have right now because fear is getting in your way.

Action: Try something new!
And during the experience, pay attention to your feelings deep within. When you find something that's your passion, you'll feel a wonderful sense of excitement. The time will pass quickly, and you'll want to learn more and more. And if at first you don't succeed, try something else until you achieve that feeling.

Tip: Embrace all of your feelings
. If we don't allow for the pain, fear, or anger, then we can't fully embrace the joy that is within us. Numbing out the former numbs out the latter. If you allow yourself to feel these difficult emotions, you'll be able to release them, instead of letting them bog you down.

Action: Cinema therapy. Everyone can feel emotions for others far more easily than they can for themselves. But what we feel for others is about us! Movies are a great way to tap into this notion. So as you're watching (be sure to choose movies you know will allow for this), pay attention to the moments that are meaningful for you.

Tip: Curb your gossiping. The more we have the need to talk about and critique others, the worse we're feeling about ourselves. Moreover, it's spreading negative energy into the world, and is working against our happiness.

Action: Act as if. Just stop, and act as if you feel great about yourself right now. Notice when you don't critique and gossip what you're actually thinking about yourself. This exercise will be very healing and put you right into the zone for joy.

Tip: Take stock of your friends. Be mindful of who you're spending your time with. They're a reflection of you and what you're feeling inside. For example, if you're surrounded by angry or sad people, you have anger and sadness within. If you want to feel joy and contentment, you must surround yourself with joyful people.

Action: Clean house.If you're always around people who are bringing you down, it is time to let go of these connections. Surround yourself with what you want to be. And don't try to fit into old molds anymore.

Tip: Appreciate your life
. The happiest people know where to focus. They don't necessarily have more in their life than you; they just focus on what they have versus what's missing. And they're really able to appreciate the good.

Action: Go on a mission. Spend time with someone who's living with an injury, or has failing health. They'll be able to spread their wisdom, which will show you how to focus on the good; if you're healthy today, it's a very good day!

Tip: Practice Forgiveness
. Holding onto your anger about what someone's done to you is only hurting you! Meanwhile, their lives are most likely unaffected. We're not talking about forgetting. We're talking about accepting - accepting that we can't change the past, and that holding onto it is affecting our present. It's also the recognition that people come with faults. If someone's hurt us, it's coming from a place of their own emotional flaws. So by all means, don't forget, and don't allow them to hurt you again. Instead, attempt to understand why they did what they did, feel for them that they have to carry the burden of their own shortcomings, and live your life.

Action: Make a list of the people you still carry anger for. Contact them, one by one, and make peace. It can be as simple as writing an email telling them you've forgiven them and have moved forward

Bottom line, we take so many things for granted-the ability to breathe, walk, see, taste, hear.... These are all gifts. Every moment is a gift. And if you're able to live each day with that awareness, then you're on your way to finding true happiness.

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