Whether you're at a work function, social event, BBQ, or out with
the executive team, sometimes you'll need to start a conversation or
keep one going. We all admire people who have a flair for engaging
others in conversation. They put everyone at ease and never seem short
of something interesting to say.
People who do this well appear confident and enjoy themselves a lot - yet, like any skill, the ability to initiate and lead a conversation can be learned and practised, when you know how. Following are simple skills to become a great conversationalist:
Look the part. Your body language says a lot about you. Even if you don't feel confident, you need to look it. If you are standing, always have your feet planted firmly on the ground (avoid swaying, leaning, balancing on one leg, shifting). Stand tall and strong, shoulders square and your chest open. Your arms may be by your aide, clasped in front or, depending on the situation, you may be holding a drink.
Eye contact is crucial. Whether you are talking or listening, look at the other person; eye contact means you connect and engage with the person you are talking with. Try to avoid distractions - there is nothing worse than conversing with another person while they are looking around the room. Your aim is to make the person you are talking with feel as if they are the only person in the room.
Smile. A smile makes you appear warm and welcoming and puts others at ease. It communicates, "I am happy to see you".
Listen well. Practise active listening skills so you really hear and understand what others are saying and, at the same time, encourage others to keep talking. Active listening skills include eye contact, nodding your head, open body language, leaning in to hear what the person is saying, and making appropriate responses. Use verbal aids such as "I see", "really", "tell me more", "that's interesting" to encourage the speaker to continue and show you are listening and interested in what they are saying. And don't interrupt the speaker - be a genuine listener.
Don't talk about yourself. When making conversation, talk about what interests the other people or person you are talking with. Your challenge is to find out what it is that inspires them. Capture their attention by asking questions about themselves and their interests. Open ended questions are great for this. These are questions that start with: who, what, where, how or why.
For example:
"How did you become involved in this area of work?"
"What do you think about..."
"How was your holiday?"
"What you are your current challenges?"
Keep conversations going with bridges. Sometimes you will speak with people who respond to your open ended questions with very short answers. Bridges keep them talking. These include:
"So what happened next?"
"What did you do then?"
"Why do you think that happened?"
Once again taking an interest in the person and extending the conversation.
Practise makes perfect. If you want more confidence in conversation skills, practise any of the techniques above. There are hundreds of opportunities every day to practise these skills and form good habits. Go ahead: listen, be open and ask questions - have fun!
People who do this well appear confident and enjoy themselves a lot - yet, like any skill, the ability to initiate and lead a conversation can be learned and practised, when you know how. Following are simple skills to become a great conversationalist:
Look the part. Your body language says a lot about you. Even if you don't feel confident, you need to look it. If you are standing, always have your feet planted firmly on the ground (avoid swaying, leaning, balancing on one leg, shifting). Stand tall and strong, shoulders square and your chest open. Your arms may be by your aide, clasped in front or, depending on the situation, you may be holding a drink.
Eye contact is crucial. Whether you are talking or listening, look at the other person; eye contact means you connect and engage with the person you are talking with. Try to avoid distractions - there is nothing worse than conversing with another person while they are looking around the room. Your aim is to make the person you are talking with feel as if they are the only person in the room.
Smile. A smile makes you appear warm and welcoming and puts others at ease. It communicates, "I am happy to see you".
Listen well. Practise active listening skills so you really hear and understand what others are saying and, at the same time, encourage others to keep talking. Active listening skills include eye contact, nodding your head, open body language, leaning in to hear what the person is saying, and making appropriate responses. Use verbal aids such as "I see", "really", "tell me more", "that's interesting" to encourage the speaker to continue and show you are listening and interested in what they are saying. And don't interrupt the speaker - be a genuine listener.
Don't talk about yourself. When making conversation, talk about what interests the other people or person you are talking with. Your challenge is to find out what it is that inspires them. Capture their attention by asking questions about themselves and their interests. Open ended questions are great for this. These are questions that start with: who, what, where, how or why.
For example:
"How did you become involved in this area of work?"
"What do you think about..."
"How was your holiday?"
"What you are your current challenges?"
Keep conversations going with bridges. Sometimes you will speak with people who respond to your open ended questions with very short answers. Bridges keep them talking. These include:
"So what happened next?"
"What did you do then?"
"Why do you think that happened?"
Once again taking an interest in the person and extending the conversation.
Practise makes perfect. If you want more confidence in conversation skills, practise any of the techniques above. There are hundreds of opportunities every day to practise these skills and form good habits. Go ahead: listen, be open and ask questions - have fun!
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